The Male Body Hates Me
by calm belt
Summary: Inspired by what I went through while practicing drawing the male body. ONE SHOT


Lawlz. Stress Relief -love- :3

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It was a relatively calm night.

A cool sea breeze flitting through the open porthole, there was the low ticking of a clock, and a soft sloshing noise lightly patted the hull of the ship. Everyone was sleeping soundly aboard the Going Merry.

Save for one woman.

She sat hunched over her desk in the dark, only a small hanging light brought some recession of the shadows. She was scratching at something on the desk with her pencil. Then she was furiously erasing. Bits of shaved eraser lay around the desk and on the floor nearby.

A soft string of curses were being repeatedly chanted as she used close to every word in the book—in pretty much every which way possible.

Yeah. A pretty calm night.

She paused in her work to rub her temples and sigh. A few deep breaths taken, perhaps to calm the redhead down. After a moment she looked out to the bright moon in the starred sky. A soft smile crossed her lips. It was a really nice night.

Looking back to her paper with renewed vigor she began once again drawing on the expensive paper.

It was only a matter of minutes before her smile began slipping away. Her strokes of the pencil became more desperate. Slightly frantic, to say the least. It came as no surprise when her smile altogether turned into a deep, angry frown.

It was a surprise though when she gave an angry cry and slammed her hands on the desk. She stood up so fast that her chair clattered onto the floor.

Nami crumpled the paper she had been pouring over into a tight ball then smashed it flat on her palm. Once that was taken care of she gave it a nice chuck out of the porthole nearest to her.

Dusting her hands free of any eraser shavings that may have gotten on her hands she then stormed out of the galley and out onto the deck. The moon was still illuminating the deck. Soft creaks were the only thing heard as she crept to the bow railing.

The silence was nice. Just what the redhead needed after getting steamed about her poor picture.

"Normally I have a knack for drawing these things… and I still have to get it done before we dock at the next port. They're expecting it and I'm expecting that money they promised." She spoke softly to herself. No one else was probably awake at this hour anyway. Except perhaps Robin, but she was always expected to be up late reading.

Nami clawed at her hair. "Ugh! It must be some sort of art block… Man… I want that 100,000 belli." Her eyes watered at the thought of losing her precious money. "I guess I'll have some coffee and try again…"

Some alone time was all she needed. All she wanted, too. She really wasn't in the mood to see one of the guys. Robin, she would be able to handle. But not one of the men.

So it was natural that one of the men would have been woken by her slight tantrum. Also it was natural how the chef had been the one to awake, and it also explained why he stood just a few feet behind the navigator.

"Nami-swan? What are you doing up this late? I heard some banging so I thought I would investigate." His visible eye was still a bit red from the sudden awakening, his hair disheveled from bed—er, hammock head.

"Sanji-kun… please go back down to the men's quarters." Her tone was greatly agitated and held an underlying warning.

Sanji's face took on one of concern. "Did I do something to make you mad, Nami-san?"

"Sanji-kun. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm in a **_very_** agitated mood though. I don't want to have to take it out on you." She tried being nicer, though she wanted nothing more than to beat the ever living crap out of the love cook.

"I would be happy to do something to relieve your stress, Nami-swan!" Sanji, of course, did not get the memo. He crowed happily at her and blushed with perverse thoughts. As always.

Nami slowly turned to him and—

---

Chopper sat straight up in his hammock as a familiar cry and a loud crash rang in his sensitive ears. Startled by the noise, he ended up toppling out of his hammock.

And landing on Luffy. The reindeer held onto Luffy's face for dear life as Luffy's bed toppled over as well. The rubber pirate let out a surprised yell that ended up muffled by Chopper's thick fur.

Then fell right onto Zoro who was snoring loudly on the couch.

In the end they all ended up as a flailing pile of limbs on the floor. Once calmed down, Zoro helped to detach the deerman from his captain's face. With the furry body no longer blocking his airway, Luffy sucked up the air greedily.

There was silence. The clock ticked above them.

"Na…Zoro…Why'd we get woken up?"

"Hell if I know… What's the deal, Chopper?"

"W-well I was sleeping and I heard someone cry out then there was a crash and…. And… Um… where's Sanji and Usopp?"

"Usopp's on watch right now. As for the dartboard eyebrow, I couldn't care less." The swordsman replied pointedly and gave a loud yawn.

"Yosh! Let's check it out!" Luffy's grin was undeniable. He had a plan forming in his mind about how to get some meat from the kitchen out of this. He pulled his familiar Hat on his head and raced for the ladder.

"Oi, Luffy. Hold up." The swordsman was right on his heel. He had **_heard_** the crash; he just wanted to sleep more. Chopper hesitated before following the two larger men out onto the deck.

Where they saw Nami standing there, steaming with anger, and a large blunt object in her hands. The chef lay unmoving on the deck, Usopp nearby as well. Robin stood in the doorway, simply looking out at the Navigator.

"What the hell…?" Zoro muttered as his eyes landed on the sight. Nami twitched and turned her eyes to them. Chopper shot back down so fast, it was like a bullet. Luffy merely shrank back and stepped behind Zoro, as if to hide himself.

She had a bloodthirsty look in her eye. Her grip on her weapon tightened. She stepped towards them. Luffy turned back to the hatch, thankful it was still open. They had some time to save themselves.

He grabbed Zoro by the shirt collar and tossed him down into the men's quarters before flinging himself down, yanking the hatch closed on his way in. Once on safe ground, he latched it shut. The lock clicked. Angry curses loudly erupted just on the other side.

Much banging and splintering happened to the wood around the hatch before things fell silent again.

---

Robin gave the redhead a sympathetic smile. "Having trouble with the doujinshi, Navigator-san?"

Nami palmed her face in both hands. "The male body hates me. It didn't want to co-operate. If I don't get this done by the time we dock tomorrow, then not only will those ZoLu fangirls tear me apart but I won't get my 100,000 belli either!!" She sobbed dramatically at the lost treasure.

"Ah. I see." A slender hand sprouted from Nami's back and patted her on the shoulder. "Perhaps I can lend you a hand." All life returned back in the younger woman.

"Really?! Thank you so much, Robin-onee-sama! You saved me 100,000 belli! I really owe you one."

"It's no trouble, Navigator-san. What should we do about cook-san and longnose-kun?" Nami barely spared them a glance.

"They'll be fine! I didn't hurt them that hard. We better get working!" Her eyes changing to belli signs as she skipped back to her workroom.

"You two," Robin began as she looked to the chef and sniper. "Have some horrible luck, I'm afraid. Though I'm not sure as to how Navigator-san managed to hit longnose-kun with that barrel… She must have quite the arm to reach him up in the crow's nest."

With that she tossed two blankets on the unconscious men and headed to help the redhead with the work she had promised. The male body didn't seem like it wanted to cooperate with Nami that night, perhaps Robin could make it work though.

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Ok. Written because I was trying to draw the male body and it didn't wanna work. xD Nami was chosen because I was listening to her sing while I was trying to draw. Sanji became the victim cause Corey was drawing someone who made me thing of Sanji. And Usopp got dragged into it cause I find him annoying and I wanted a reason to peg him with a barrel. xDDD I also wanted a reason to lock Luffy and Zoro in the men's quarters together.


End file.
